Lets talk..I'm back..

Hi guys!

First of all I have to send my apologies for not writing lately. This blog is supposed to be written in a fun, light hearted manner and with what I went through I just couldnt bring myself to write. But I'm okay and I'm back on board now.

Just a heads up, this post isnt going to be like some of my previous ones. Its not going to be so 'light and fluffy' but what happened is part of my TTC journey so I need to write about it.

After obsessing over TTC for just 2 months I took a FR HPT 5 days before AF was due in February 2012. I thought there wasnt anything there and just as I was about to throw away the test I looked one more time and there it was - my BFP! (I've always tested positive quite early) It was faint but definitely there. I was nervous and excited all at once. I went home and told my hubby and he didnt believe me even when I showed him the test! Lol. The next morning I went and had a blood test knowing that they would confirm. But the test came back inconclusive with only a HCG level of 8....hmm...So I tested for 2 days after that watching that BFP get darker and then had another blood test 2 days later. HCG levels were up to 29. I was elated! The doc said they were still quite low levels even though they classify you as pregnant at 25. I told my hubby (who thought he was awesome that he got that egg on the second try) and then he said that seeing as though it was confirmed we could tell our kids. So I did. And then I told my mum and my hubby's mum. But while I was telling them something didnt feel right. Why was my HCG levels so low when my previous pg's had been high right from the beginning? So I POAS like a crazy lady. Every day (and sometimes twice a day) for a week. They werent getting darker. I kept pushing aside the thoughts that something just felt wrong. I had cramps - major AF type cramps and lower back pain. I kept telling myself that it was my uterus stretching. But in my heart I knew what was happening. Then on the night of 4th March I noticed there was pink blood in my cm. I kept it to myself as I just wished it would go away and thought that some women spot during early pg, i'll be fine! The next morning I wasnt spotting anymore but the cramps were increasing and I took another HPT (my 16th one!) and there is was....nothing....no faint second line...nothing....I went to the doctors and they did a blood test to check my HCG levels but I knew it was no use. By the time I got home I started clotting and knew exactly what was happening. I was having a miscarriage. I broke down in tears and my poor DH didnt know what to do or how to comfort me. My doctor phoned me to confirm the news - my HCG levels had dropped to 4.

I layed on the lounge for 3 days in pain. Both physically and mentally. Why was this happening to me after 2 healthy pregnancies? What did I do wrong? Why wasnt there anything I could do to stop it from happening? I felt broken. Like someone had reached into my heart and tore it out. I had never been through something like this before.

It took me a week but then I accepted what happened. It wasnt my fault, I couldnt of done anything to stop it. Even if I had listened to my instincts telling me something wasnt right, there wasnt anything I could do to change the outcome.

Two weeks after the m/c I went for a scan to check everything was back to normal. I was fine mentally so I just wanted them to tell me I was all good so I could start TTC again! When the technician asked me if I was okay I gave her a strange look like 'why wouldnt I be okay? It happened a while ago now so i'm fine'. But I wasnt fine. As she looked at the screen she held my hand, looked at me and said 'it's all gone sweetie. There's nothing there'.....Nothing.....I started crying again as I realised that I was holding onto some stupid tiny bit of hope that maybe, just maybe there would be something there. But this was my realisation that it was over. I had lost my baby at 6 weeks.

Even though it was only 6 weeks it was still horrible to go through. The emotional roller coaster of getting that BFP to hearing the words 'Nothing' was excruciating.

So, fast forward 2 months later and I'm doing fine! When it happened people said to me 'everything happens for a reason' and even I told myself this but truth be told I dont believe that. I dont believe in fate or destiny or that things are 'meant to be'. I like the idea of these things but the reality of it is (in my opinion) that we make our own destiny. In life we are presented with opportunities and chances and it is up to us which paths we choose and how our lives end up. I dont believe that I was 'meant to' lose my baby. I think that something went wrong and my body did what it needed to do. What I do believe is that when I do fall pregnant and have that baby it will be such a special baby to us because if this pg had stuck then we would never have known the baby that we WILL eventually have.

Thanks for reading :)

Mandi O Xx

Lets talk about my lack of talking!

Hi guys

I'm so sorry I havent posted in a few weeks. A few things have been going on (not positive things) and I've made myself stay away from all things TTC for a while (I am still TTC but need to stop obsessing so much!)

I'll write again soon I just have to give myself a bit of a breather :)

Mandi O xx

Lets talk calculations

Hi guys!

So I wanted to show you all how to calculate (roughly) when you would/could be ovulating and implanting based on the average cycles of 28, 29, 30, 31 & 32 days :) I was making up calendars and everything because I couldn't find a good website that showed possible fertility times, ovulation dates, implantation dates etc. BUT then I found this website! It is probably the best one i've found. It can be a bit clunky with its date ie I put in the date of 2nd Feb but it kept reverting to January! But it eventually worked :)

The thing with calculating is if you're ovulation day is off by one or two days then that throws your cycles out too. Its best just to focus on calculating at the average rates and checking your BBT or using ovulation kits etc.

http://www.babymed.com/fertility-ovulation-calendar-calculator?d=1328014800&cl=28&t=boy-girl

It shows the calendar like this (sorry not very large!):

What I'm doing is using my chart (I keep a record of not only my temps but my symptoms also) and referring back to this website to cross check my symptoms :)
Whats happening with me: So I know this sounds strange but today I 'feel' pregnant...I'm sure I 'felt pregnant' last month too! But I swear I can feel more things happening in my body today then before. Or maybe I'm just more in tune with my body this month? Who knows! This is my DPO tracking so far:

6DPO (20^th cycle day) Increased BBT, mild cramps, lower back pain, slight nausea but increased appetite & irritability
7DPO (21^st cycle day) Slightly nauseous, Hunger increase, Very thirsty, Lower abdominal cramping (one side), Exhausted!, Cranky, Darker areola and large nipples, Fuller breasts
8DPO (22nd cycle day) dull ache lower abdomen, lower right hand side back pain, slightly nauseous, small amount of heartburn very early this morning, restless sleep, slightly constipated, strangest pulling sensation on lower left hand side of abdomen - rush of emotional feelings, 'feel' like I'm pregnant this month?? Runny nose and sinus pain - feel like I'm getting a cold.

To end this post I've found an awesome site to compare symptoms day by day (yes! something else for us to obsess over!)

http://www.twoweekwait.com/bfpsymptoms/dpo/

Thanks for reading! And remember if you've got anything that you want to know just send me an email at mandiosblog@gmail.com , comment below or 'follow' me by clicking on the right handside.

Mandi O xx

Lets talk Pregnancy tests

Hi all!

So I'm in my 2ww period and I'm counting the days until I can take a test..I've been doing quite a bit of researching on when is the best time to take one etc and how early you can take one. I've found this info below.

A HPT detects the presence of HCG levels in your urine. Your body will start to produce HCG once the fertilised egg has been implanted into your uterus. This can be detected in urine from 6-14 days after fertilisation (NOT ovulation - fertilisation). Most HPT's are sensitive enough to detective the HCG levels from the first day of your missed period. Some sensitive tests can show up 5 days before AF is due but if you test then and get a BFN try not to be too disheartened, wait a couple of days and try again. Reading on forums I've seen some ladies get BFP on HPT as early as 8-10 dpo. One lady said she took got a BFP 9 days before AF was due!! I seriously think that this is where we (and by we I mean all of us obsessed people TTC) really go nuts. On the testing. I know for me I am forcing myself not to take one right now - just to see.

Blood tests can be detected earlier however most doctors won't give you a test until you are late - so unless you lie (oh whoops sorry I was actually due for my period next week not this week...) you'll have to wait until you are due for AF anyway before they'll test you. I found this really good exert from an article:

Implantation, when the fertilised egg implants into the endometrium, happens about a week after ovulation (range: 6-12 days), and it takes another 3-4 days after implantation (9-16 dpo) for the blood pregnancy test to first become positive, followed 2-3 days later by the early positive pregnancy urine test, the home pregnancy test (HPT).

So, this would mean if I O'd on day 14, implantation could of occurred yesterday, then it would take another 3 days for blood tests to show up (Thurs) and another 2 days after that for early HPT to show (Sat) So I guess I'm waiting for Saturday then!

When you are testing try and throw away the test after around 10 min. I know its hard because you keep wanting to double check but if it hasn't shown a second line in that 10min then its probably not going to. Throw it away and try again in a few days. Last month when I was testing every second day, I swear I would see a really really faint second line. Its funny how our brains see what our eyes want to see isn't it? I think we should all follow this rule; if you have to hold the test up to the light, out the window, squint really really hard then its probably not there. And if you leave the test for a few hours and come back and there's a second line then its probably an evaporation line. I've put some pics of faint second lines and very dark to compare. I've also put a negative test up so you can compare this too.

It goes Negative, Faint and Positive

 

  



















 
Now remember these aren't my actual tests, they are just comparing.

In my next post I'm going to put up some calendars on when you may have ovulated AND implanted depending on your cylce length. I'm going to do 28, 29, 30, 31 & 32 day cycles :)

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx

Lets talk 2WW!

Hi guys

This 2ww is the worst! I keep reading up on how early you can test etc to see if there is even the remote chance that I can test NOW…but am trying to be good because if I O’d on the day that my calculator says I did then I’d only be 6-7 DPO right now and that’s not nearly close enough to test…or is it?? NO…its definitely way to early to tell. I have read two stories about girls that had BFP tests at 6dpo and both of them found out they were having twins…maybe I should just hold off! I’ve done some research on when is a good time to test etc so I’ll make that my next post.

I should add here as well that I thought my temp yesterday morning was 37.2 but when I took my temp this morning the thermometer had kept the memory of yesterdays reading which was 37.3! Hopefully that was an implantation spike?? Also I was reading that your temperature actually goes up the day AFTER you ovulate. My temp was 36.8 on day 14 and 37.0 on day 15 so wondering if I ovulated on day 14???

Yesterday I had a good breakfast and a satisfying lunch but by the time it hit 4.30pm I was starving!! Okay not literally starving but pretty darn hungry! I’ve been watching what I eat too so was really bad and had 2 (yes I know 2!) deep fried seafood sticks after work. But that didn’t do anything, I was still hungry.

I put my symptoms down yesterday but going to try to update this as much as I can, at least every second day so you guys can see whats going on.

6DPO (20^th cycle day) Increased BBT, mild cramps, lower back pain, slight nausea but increased appetite & irritability

7DPO (21^st cycle day) Slightly nauseous, Hunger increase, Very thirsty, Lower abdominal cramping (one side), Exhausted!, Cranky, Darker areola and large nipples, Fuller breasts

Fingers crossed that these symptoms mean something and its not just my usual cycle..because I'm sure this is how I felt this time last month and clearly I wasn't preggs.

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx

Lets talk implantation

Hi guys

I thought I'd chat today about what happens around implantation. I know I've done a piece on implantation bleeding before but didn't get into detail on what happens during the implantation phase.

What is it? Implantation is the act of the fertilised egg attaching itself to the uterine wall. Once this has happened the fertilised egg will remain in the fallopian tube for 3 days. It then enters the uterus where it gets very close to the lining of the uterus and begins to invade this lining to implant.

When does it happen? It typically happens around 6-10DPO or around days 20-24 of your menstrual cycle. This should be used as a guide though as it can happen earlier or later than this. In an average cycle (of 28 days) ovulation typically occurs around day 14. Then (as stated above) the fertilised egg stays in the fallopian tube for 3 days before implanting.

Symptoms of implantation: This is usually quite a gentle process and many women don't have any of the below so don't freak out if you don't get any symptoms. Symptoms can include:

• Implantation cramps 
• Implantation spotting or bleeding (see my earlier post)
• BBT rise
• Temperature dip for a single day
• Lower back pain

Whats happening with me? So I'm on day 20 of my cycle. I have done my BBT charting and my temp was 37.0 on day 15 and stayed that way until day 17 when it increased to 37.1 then went back to 37.0 until today (day 20) and it was 37.2 this morning. My symptoms are mild cramps, lower back pain, slight nausea but increased appetite and irritability. Like severe irritability. I was an absolute bitch to my DH yesterday (he was acting like one of the kids, mucking around all day which is how he usually is and I love that about him but nope I didn't like it yesterday!) and was quite short with my kiddies which is not like me. I'm going to keep charting over the next few days to see if I can see an increase/decrease in temps. Will keep you posted!

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx

Lets just talk..

Don't have a specific topic in mind today so thought we could just chat about where I'm at now (that's right its ALL about me!) and whats going on with my body.

So I am on day 16 of my cycle now. Yesterday my temperature went up from 36.8 to 37.0 and this was the same this morning. I'm apparently supposed to ovulate tomorrow so we'll see if my temp spikes up any more than this. I have to say that charting is really good because I can see how my temperature has been throughout the month:

I've been looking over my past posts about ovulation etc on what to expect around this time and I've been checking my CM too. Its white and creamy (eww!!) and kind of looks like egg whites which is what its supposed to look like when you are ovulating or just before. I tried to check the position of my cervix...I don't want to do that anymore. I don't get it - it feels like its in the exact same spot and is the exact same firmness during my entire cycle!! Plus I feel weird doing that. I live in a house with 2 children and a husband and the likeliness of them walking in while I'm checking my cervical position is high....'no I promise Hun I'm only checking where my cervix is at the moment'....hmmm that sounds believable!! ;)



Also I've had some other symptoms around that started last night. Mild cramping (nothing like my AF cramps but just small tinges) bloated, my bb's feel swollen and larger than usual and I know it sounds weird but a 'pulling' feeling near my ovaries - just on the one side..

Well that's all from me today, thanks for reading! If you want to ask me anything or talk about a certain topic 'follow' me (on the right) and add a comment :)

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx

Lets talk early symptoms

Hi guys. Sorry its been a while since my last post J Crazy busy week!!

I thought we’d have a chat about the early symptoms of pregnancy, from right after ovulation occurs. I’ve found heaps of symptoms so might just list them and then if you have any more feel free to send me a comment or email and I’ll add them/chat about them.

1 week – you are not actually pregnant. Your pregnancy is calculated from the 1^st day of your last period. Even though your baby has not yet been conceived, ironically, this is still classed as part of the gestation period.

2 weeks – nope still not actually preg. Progesterone levels in your body begin to build. Your uterus starts to thicken, and again starts laying down many extra small blood vessels. Your period has likely ceased by now and an egg in one of your ovaries is ripening, and will soon be released.

3 weeks - At this stage you will not know that you are pregnant, but your body will. Your body starts to produce a hormone called Human Chorionic Gonadtrophin (HCG). After looking up a lot of early symptoms I’ve found some from as early as 5DPO – I reckon when you are trying you are really in tune with your body so are looking for changes.

                5-14DPO

            Temperature dip – could be associated with implantation

                Implantation bleeding

                Lower abdominal cramping

                Hot flashes

Elevated temperature – after implantation your temperature should remain higher than normal for    the remainder of the pregnancy (if you are in fact pregnant) it also shouldn’t drop around the time    you are due for AF (again if you are in fact preg)

                Breast tenderness, nipple sensitivity, increased breast size

                Nausea

                Constipation

                Fatigue

4 weeks and beyond – This will be the time when your period is due…and for me the longest wait between 3 and 4 weeks! A lot of the above symptoms will happen during this time and then from then on they will get stronger!

                Missed period, BFN test

 Implantation bleeding

                Lower abdominal cramping, bloating

                Hot flashes

 Elevated temperature

                Breast tenderness, nipple sensitivity, increased breast size

                Nausea, vomiting

                Constipation

                Fatigue

                Irritated, emotional

                Nose bleeds, gums bleeding

                Back aches

                Leg cramps

                Frequent urination

                Increased saliva

                Cravings

                Headaches

The issue with all of these (and where I get confused) is that a lot of the above are associated with normal menstrual symptoms. I know that last month I thought that I was preg for sure because I had everything except for cravings…

What’s happening with me: I am on day 14 of my cycle! Apparently (according to my iphone apps) I am due to ovulate on Thursday. I have been tracking my temperature and on day 11 of my cycle it was 36.6 and for the last 3 days its been 36.8. I'm hoping it will spike in the next day or so. 

Thanks for reading :) And more to come soon - promise!!

Mandi O Xx

Lets talk coming off birth control

There are quite a few choices when it comes to birth control. I'm going to touch base on the most common ones; birth control pills (this is what I've been using for the last 5 years) , birth control shot (known as Depo shot), birth control implant (implanon) and then less invasive/annoying methods such as condoms or the good old 'pulling out' method...

What is it/how does it work and what happens when I stop taking it?

• Birth control pills - works by preventing ovulation. The pill releases hormones into your system which prevent your ovaries from eggs. Once you stop taking the pill, the hormones are out of your body quickly, usually within a couple of days and this will then not prevent your eggs from being released. Once the hormones are out of your system, your body will begin to start producing hormones to initiate menstrual cycles. Some women will begin to ovulate in a couple of weeks, whereas it may take several months for other women to begin to ovulate. Generally speaking, your body should be back to "normal menstruation mode" within two to three months after stopping the pill. So don't freak out if for the first couple of months your periods are all over the shop. Once you know you want to come off the pill you shouldn't stop in the middle of a cycle - this will cause you to bleed more infrequently and can be harder to track your ovulation timing. Wait until the first day of your period and then stop taking them (around the end of your packet). I have read that some women don't get a proper period for 6 months after coming off the pill. If that happened to me I'd be getting it checked out. Symptoms from coming off the pill can include irregular bleeding, headaches, weight gain/loss, irritability and skin changes...awesome...
• Birth control shots & Implants - Same kind of thing as the pill, it releases hormones to prevent the eggs from being released. The shot is an injection whereas the implant is exactly that, something that gets put into your arm and stays there. The shot is effective for 3 months whereas the implanon can last up to 3 years. Once you stop getting the shot/get the implanon removed your body will no longer release the hormone which prevents eggs being released. Symptoms from coming off these include mood swings, weight gain, cramping and irregular bleeding.
• Condoms - works by blocking the sperm from getting anywhere near the inside of your body! No side effects as they are a 'disposable' type of birth control. Not the most effective method if used without any other type of birth control however as they can tear etc
• Pull out method - This. Does. Not. Work. I read that 27% of couples that use this as the only method of birth control will fall pregnant.

What happened to me? I have been on birth control pills for 5 years. I was taking a higher dose hormone one to fix up a few other issues I had going on with my body. I finished my packet of pills for the month and stopped taking them after that. 2 weeks later I was bleeding for 4 days and thought this was just a side effect from coming off them and that I should get my 'real' period another 2 weeks later. Therefore I misjudged my ovulation dates completely!! The 4 day bleed was in fact my AF. My body had just got confused as it wasn't get the release of hormones. I got my AF this week so can now (hopefully!) properly track it.

Did you know that women are born with their entire life's worth of eggs?! As we get older the vast majority of these eggs will die off until they are completely gone by the time we hit menopause. We have approx 1million eggs when we are born and by puberty we only have around 300,000 left.

Far out, this TTC business sure does seem near impossible!!

Let me know your birth control stories :)

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx

Lets take it from the top...

We all know how babies are made...well I hope you do otherwise you're going to have a hard time TTC! But after writing the piece about ovulation where you only have a small window of time to conceive in the month, it made me remember what I'd read on the probability of a single sperm fertilising the egg. So I thought why not take it from the top:

So hopefully my last piece gave you a little bit more insight on the perfect timing when TTC. Do you know that men can ejaculate up to 250million sperm in the one go?! A single sperm has a short and fraught life — and it's highly unlikely it will ever achieve its goal of fertilising an egg! Not only do these sperm have to survive ejaculation and be competent swimmers with a sense of direction, they have to navigate through a virtual minefield of obstacles planted by the woman's body.

The survival rate of sperm on the journey to the uterus is extremely low. The sperm make this journey by swimming — they move at a rate of about 3mm a minute. The journey from the cervix to the ovum takes several hours. Once a sperm is in the uterus or fallopian tubes, it can live for up to five days. Conception can occur any time during this period. Of the hundreds of millions of sperm ejaculated, only a few thousand make it into the uterus — and only about 50 of these actually survive to reach the egg. 50 out of 250 million!!!

Throughout most of a woman's monthly cycle, the cervix is plugged by a thick CM that sperm find difficult to get through. Only at ovulation does the cervix become more receptive to the millions of sperm knocking on the door. But just because they've entered the uterus doesn't mean the sperm will have an easy ride from then on: they have to swim deep into the uterus for the openings to the fallopian tubes — which many of them will never find, dying or getting lost instead (of course they wouldn't stop to ask for directions would they?!). Once at the "pot of gold" the handful of survivors swarm the egg. Finally, if all goes well and conception happens, one lucky sperm penetrates the egg and fertilisation occurs, shutting out any other sperm.

Wow. It just goes to show that getting pregnant really is a miracle. I hope my hubby has fast swimmers!!

Thanks for reading!

Mandi O xx